Post by washi on Feb 22, 2011 21:07:29 GMT -5
Okay kinda ot the kinda from /moons random polls every month. but Ill posyt a new one ever day or try to do it. So keep comng back!
Todays:
~Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
~He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor
~What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
March (Idr lolz)-
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."
The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."
March 8-
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
March 5-
~A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
March 4-
~Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
~A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
March 2-
~Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
~What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
~"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
March 1-
~Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
No.
Did you check for breathing?
No.
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
~Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
~Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.
Todays:
~Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
~He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor
~What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
March (Idr lolz)-
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."
The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."
March 8-
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
March 5-
~A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
March 4-
~Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
~A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
March 2-
~Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
~What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
~"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
March 1-
~Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
No.
Did you check for breathing?
No.
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
~Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
~Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.
